Uprootings and Other Changes

The spring is once again here, the days are stretching out longer and there is a little more warmth and a new, vibrant, buzzing energy starting to appear everywhere.

A buzz is going on also in between my ears, as it seems to happen every spring, I realized, now that I looked back to the archives of this blog, for example. Most often it has stayed as that. Buzz between my ears and words on the pages of WordPress. So to be honest, I am a bit hesitant to write anything about any of it this time. It might still just remain as a buzz.

But since I have no impulse control, I find myself blurting.

Well. I was not completely honest right there. You see, something has already happened, so this all can’t stay just a buzz anymore.

We are moving. For real. We have found an apartment closer to Brussels, with a completely tolerable commute to work for the both of us! To get this far has been a bit of a process. Waffle has long roots in Rupelmonde and the surrounding area, so it took quite some mulling over to get to the point of actually moving. Sure, we wont have such an area rich in wildlife right at our door step and yes, we are leaving behind a lot of memories but hopefully all of this will bring some improvement to the overall situation and life quality.

We have the keys at the end of this month, so we have plenty of time to go full KonMari and let go of everything we have gathered. Waffle has been living in the house for 10 years now, so you can imagine there is some accumulation. We are sincerely looking forward to moving, to gaining an hour of extra time every day. An hour less spent on the road, every day. Whoop! And we have been thinking to start going to work by bike,  and getting those killer butts everybody is always dreaming about!

The increased amount of free time is hopefully going to change our daily lives. I am  wishing to and looking forward to finally getting back to horses, back to the saddle! Maybe we’ll be running a bit more the both of us. And Waffle is looking forward to further developing his extensive knowledge of the computer things he does. I am afraid we will be having just extra time, but way, way too much time in our hands which is going to lead to more and more travel plans, plummeting us into bankruptcy and eventually forcing us out of the country and moving to the Azores. Is this the silver lining to every cloud, people keep talking about?

At the same time, I am having the regularly occurring existential crisis. This time it is rather loud and demanding. Partially it probably stems from the fact that I am turning 30 in less time than I would have hoped. And I have a nagging feeling that I should have achieved something in life by now. What that something might be, I do not have a clue.  Partially the roots of this crisis are on the work front. There is some turmoil going on internally. New hires etc. I have kind of promised myself, that once the result of this shifting is clear, it is time for me to figure out where to go.

Ever since I moved to Belgium I have kind of been floating, I left my roots behind me in Finland. Now we are just planning ahead trip by trip, but nothing much deeper than that, it has been quite enough until now. But slowly I have been developing a need to root down to something. Create a meaning for my existence. Possibly not the most unique set of feelings in the life of expats.

One reason to get these thoughts on the move is that lately we have met and surrounded ourselves by some inspiring, brave and curious souls. People who have been and are brave enough to live the life they want, no matter what the people around them think. They have given me some seed of thought.

Maybe work should be something more than just means of earning money. Maybe it would be important to feel that you are doing something meaningful. Maybe it would be good to actually enjoy the work you do and feel that you can be good in it. Maybe. What do you think? It puzzles me, that it took me so long to get this idea.

I might finally be brave enough to actually do something about this nagging feeling. Take and tackle those maybes and get going. Now the challenge is to fit some studying into the schedule, and take a step to the direction without ending up bankrupt and living in the Azores. Hopefully I’ll be able to put some more concrete plans on paper in the near future.

Oooh, what a cliff hanger!





Bricks and Clay

If you think about it, where do bricks come from. They are originally just humble pieces of clay. Put some work into the clay and you get a brick and you can start building. It is very much the same way with our lives.

You are handed over a few bricks beforehand. You have your parents, your family and relatives. That form the base layer of bricks of the building, that one day will become your whole life story. Those handovers were nothing but clay in their own beginning. These first bricks very much dictate, what kind of clay you get to work with and how your bricks are going to form. At least, the very first ones.

How have my clay and bricks been then? Well, I had a lot of clay to play with. Literally and as a form of speech. I had a wonderful and very much sheltered childhood in the countryside.  I formed my clay into many things, some of those things, it seems, became bricks in the foundation of my life.

Like the very stubborn clay, that nagged at my parents about becoming a horse. A very own horse for that little girl that was me. The clay kept nagging for two years until it became what it wanted to be. My very first horse has been a very big and significant brick in this building of mine. She directed my life early on very strongly. I could have become a teenager without not much sensible things to do without her. I could have grown into a very different person, than what I am now. I owe a lot to her and am grateful for the chance to have met her.

Another very significant brick in this building could have been many different things. I had again, several pieces of clay to play with. Some would have taken me to university to sturdy biology, or psychology, or languages. The one that formed into a brick took me to a different kind of school. Learning to understand something of business. I am not sure, if I am completely happy with that brick. I think it makes my building stand a little crooked. But who has their corners straight in this life anyways?

Then there is this piece of clay, that originally seemed so very insignificant. Just a small decision to go hiking and long trail, alone, in Lapland. The clay had started a year back, with another hiking trip, and was slowly turning into a more loved piece of clay, that I worked on. During that hike, the clay found somebody else’s piece of work. Maybe rubbed against it a little, leaving pieces behind. I think that became one of the bricks on the front stairs in this building project. The brick that you step on, when you get out, and explore.

That hiking brick might have opened the biggest clay mine of my life. There was someone else digging at the same mine, I noticed before long. There was Waffle, who apparently seemed to like the same kind of clay for building his house from. I guess we collided as we dag deeper. Bricks were formed and eventually they started to stick together and it seems that we are now building a mansion together. Where there is an extensive travel wing. That is what our clay is so often turning into. Bricks telling about travels. I love it. I love the way my Waffle works his clay into something that makes the base layer of our dwelling more and more beautiful.

Thank you Waffle.

What are you building out of your bricks?

For this cheesiness, please thank Daily Prompt: Brick

Longing for things is the sign of spring

It is the same thing every spring, when the sun comes out and the world wakes up around me. Still I do not have any skills to defend myself from it. Well, I don’t know if I should even try.

When the winter is slowly tilting towards spring, it starts. I get ideas and start to suddenly need things. That moment is always a prioritizing exercise, since I am longing for abundance of things at the same time. The nut cracking of whether have a horse, a dog, a new career or a home country is always so difficult.

This year is no different. I have started to want to see some changes happening in this life of mine. I have started to long for more meaningful career. This thing that I do, brainlessly staring at a screen and forwarding documents from a person to another, it just ain’t satisfying. This time the longing lottery hits the point of “Refresh professional life”.

That is what I want.  The thing is, that I feel like I made the wrong career choice back in the mature age of 18. I chose to study business, even though it does not give me any special tingle or make me feel passionate about it. What I should have done, was to try and try again to get into university, to study psychology. Social phenomena and the mental side behind them.

So that is it then. Goal for this year is to study a bit of Dutch and then hop into a degree program in psychology. One longing down. Quite some to go.